Sandy DicksonView all articles by Sandy Dickson
Day After the 12 Days of Christmas
Over all the days of Christmas,
What his true love gave to him,
Was 12 partridges in pear trees,
And about 30 French-type hens,
Plus the 22 turtle doves,
And 36 callin’ birds,
When he got the 42 geese,
Oh, I cannot repeat his words!
And they were all a-layin’ geese,
That means they even all had eggs.
And 42 swans a-swimmin’
All followed by 42 maids.
And the maids were all a-milkin’
So the cows came with the whole lot,
And just as he was recovering,
From assessing what all he got,
36 ladies came dancing,
‘Cross his newly waxed kitchen floor
Followed by 22 pipers
After the 30 leapin’ lords.
But the last straw was the drummers,
With all 12 beating on their drums.
He thought, ‘It won’t be a Christmas
Where I just sit twiddling my thumbs
What could he do with these things?
Now his place was a frightful mess.
Did his true love really love him,
Or want to put him to a test?
With 184 birds,
He crammed the maids into a bus--
As many as it could carry,
Then put them up in a hotel,
To start a rent-a -maid service.
But the lords and ladies dancin’
Continued to make him nervous,
He started a dance company,
So he could send them on the road,
But still had 22 pipers,
And 12 drummers yet to unload.
It was quite a hectic project,
And he was in no condition,
So he booked them to different bands,
And received a small commission.
There were 40 golden rings too,
Should he keep them, he debated?
So decided to melt them down,
Then found they were only plated.
He planted the
pear trees That The partridges left behind, Bartlett
And he sold the cows to farmers,
Then finally sat down to unwind.
He picked up a pen and paper,
And with a small exhausted cough,
He wrote a note to his true love,
Starting, ‘My dear, the wedding’s off…’